Saturday, November 13, 2004
*i wish to feel smaller under yr sheets, i wish for the whole truth every time you speak and im thinkin bout how you care half as much for me, while i watch you arise, smoke cigarettes, sleep. and i guess it doesnt matter what i say or what i seem, you stuck what i felt for you in the pocket of yr jeans, ignoring me the morning after isnt enough and i swear im gonna cry im sick of tryin to be tough and my blood wont stick to the confines of my veins and yr heart is gonna tear mine away... and i wish to feel smaller under yr hands though you seem satisfied as you slip mine down yr pants, and im thinkin bout how you care half as much for me while you lift up my shirt after asking politely, and i guess it doesnt matter what i am or pretend to be cos its her youll always love and its her ill always envy, i wanna end this now so dreams of you wont keep me up and i swear im gonna cry im sick of tryin to be tough and my blood wont stick to the confines of my veins and yr heart is gonna tear mine away... and its hard to find what i want when its buried beneath the biggest rock i could pay lots of money to help lift it with machines but im not sure youd cooperate, not sure youd come clean.. wish to feel smaller under yr sheets, i wish for the whole truth every time you speak and im thinkin bout how you care half as much for me, while i watch you arise, smoke cigarettes, sleep.and i guess it doesnt matter what i say or what i seem, you stuck what i felt for you in the pocket of yr jeans, ignoring me the morning after isnt enough and i swear im gonna cry im sick of tryin to be tough. yah i swear im gonna cry im sick of tryin to be tough and my blood wont stick to the confines of my veins and yr heart is gonna tear mine away, is gonna tear mine away..*
gregory and the hawk
that song is phenomenal. i dont like chick singers, but i def like that one a lot. plus i really identify with it, and its so well said.. it makes me feel. its on the cd gaston made me. im listening to it right now, though i dont really enjoy the cd. i had to listen to it to get those lyrics. and now the shins are on, and i am not opposed to the shins, so thats good.
so this is two in two days. intense, eh. so yah nothing is going on. i decided to be people free today. i ate dinner alone. i have been watching tv and listening to music. this makes me happy. well, no. im slightly lonely. i mean, not unbearable.. just a little. nikole has been texting me since like 5. she is so confusing. she tells me she wants nothing to do with me. so i dont message her all day or anything, and she like texts me, mad that i havent been in touch. or upset that something made her think of me. im like, if you want nothing to do with me, then you want nothing to do with me. stop texting me. stop trying to win me over.
talked to the boy last night via text. asked him how the west coast girls were treating him, and then said that east coast girls are way better. then he said he missed making me feel good. and i was like.. argh. i was feeling slightly playful but i didnt go there bc i must stick to some sort of convictions. the psychic said i had to set boundaries. thats my new goal. set boundaries.. that way i can meet my fate. woo.
my jaw hurts. i am opposed. i feel like its sort of stuck on the left side, and i am not enjoying that at all. im sleepy. im bored of my life. i need to be a new girl. i need to love myself. thats what im doing tonight. i had a nice meal alone. im chilling. im listening to music. i listened to a bunch of further seems forever before. it was nice, i enjoy fsf. esp the chris days. its like dashboard, but its not. intense.
i wonder if my mom is coming home. i want to smoke. but im afraid of her.
im going now.
gregory and the hawk
that song is phenomenal. i dont like chick singers, but i def like that one a lot. plus i really identify with it, and its so well said.. it makes me feel. its on the cd gaston made me. im listening to it right now, though i dont really enjoy the cd. i had to listen to it to get those lyrics. and now the shins are on, and i am not opposed to the shins, so thats good.
so this is two in two days. intense, eh. so yah nothing is going on. i decided to be people free today. i ate dinner alone. i have been watching tv and listening to music. this makes me happy. well, no. im slightly lonely. i mean, not unbearable.. just a little. nikole has been texting me since like 5. she is so confusing. she tells me she wants nothing to do with me. so i dont message her all day or anything, and she like texts me, mad that i havent been in touch. or upset that something made her think of me. im like, if you want nothing to do with me, then you want nothing to do with me. stop texting me. stop trying to win me over.
talked to the boy last night via text. asked him how the west coast girls were treating him, and then said that east coast girls are way better. then he said he missed making me feel good. and i was like.. argh. i was feeling slightly playful but i didnt go there bc i must stick to some sort of convictions. the psychic said i had to set boundaries. thats my new goal. set boundaries.. that way i can meet my fate. woo.
my jaw hurts. i am opposed. i feel like its sort of stuck on the left side, and i am not enjoying that at all. im sleepy. im bored of my life. i need to be a new girl. i need to love myself. thats what im doing tonight. i had a nice meal alone. im chilling. im listening to music. i listened to a bunch of further seems forever before. it was nice, i enjoy fsf. esp the chris days. its like dashboard, but its not. intense.
i wonder if my mom is coming home. i want to smoke. but im afraid of her.
im going now.
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