Wednesday, January 26, 2005
*hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins i will never ask if you don't ever tell me i know you well enough to know you'll never love me hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins i will never ask if you don't ever tell me i know you well enough to know you'll never love me hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins i will never ask if you don't ever tell me i know you well enough to know... why can't i feel anything from anyone other than you? why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you? and all of this was all your fault and all of this (i stay jealous) i stay wrecked and jealous for this, for this simple reason i just need to keep you in mind as something larger than life*
taking back sunday
i just had this terrifying thought. im listening to all my mp3s (i have burned like 800 songs from cds onto my comp) and i have them on random, and the above song, "cute without the e (cut from the team)" comes on, and im like "i know you well enough to know youll never love me..." and i DO know. i know, i know, i know. so somehow the next thing i know im imagining you asking me for a chance, and in my little imagination thing (fantasy?) i go: "i cant wait any longer for you. i'm ready to start a family and have a life."
what happens in peter pan? what happens to wendy?
she grows up.
she marries a grown up.
i hated that thought. (i cant move on because i am tied to you.) but im reading high fidelity, and im at the beginning, and he (narrator, rob) is talking about charlie, and he says he didnt do anything permanent, he always had to be able to drop everything and run if charlie needed him or wanted him back. and thats how i feel. i dont do anything permanent so i can run away from my life with joe if he just asked. but he ISNT GOING TO. and i DO want a family. and i DO want to start a life. and im not ready to keep waiting for a big nothing.
and the only reason ive agreed to hang out with him is because i need him. pretty much, he knows he came come here, and i will have sex with him. pretty much, he knows that all he has to do is act like he wants me a little. pretty much, the only reason i do this is because i know the only way i can get him to spend time with me is if there is sex involved. which is lame, because im a lot of fun. but i, like, neeeed him. but i dont. i made it through 2/3 of my life without him in it. hes not going to end up with me. if he was going to love me, he would have done so, or realized it, by now.
im sick of remembering how i was dying to love you. how badly i wanted to love you. and it wasnt that i wanted YOU to love me.. i wanted to love you. but i dont.
every wendy has to grow up.
i have to grow up..
..but i dont want to marry a grown up.
fuck.
taking back sunday
i just had this terrifying thought. im listening to all my mp3s (i have burned like 800 songs from cds onto my comp) and i have them on random, and the above song, "cute without the e (cut from the team)" comes on, and im like "i know you well enough to know youll never love me..." and i DO know. i know, i know, i know. so somehow the next thing i know im imagining you asking me for a chance, and in my little imagination thing (fantasy?) i go: "i cant wait any longer for you. i'm ready to start a family and have a life."
what happens in peter pan? what happens to wendy?
she grows up.
she marries a grown up.
i hated that thought. (i cant move on because i am tied to you.) but im reading high fidelity, and im at the beginning, and he (narrator, rob) is talking about charlie, and he says he didnt do anything permanent, he always had to be able to drop everything and run if charlie needed him or wanted him back. and thats how i feel. i dont do anything permanent so i can run away from my life with joe if he just asked. but he ISNT GOING TO. and i DO want a family. and i DO want to start a life. and im not ready to keep waiting for a big nothing.
and the only reason ive agreed to hang out with him is because i need him. pretty much, he knows he came come here, and i will have sex with him. pretty much, he knows that all he has to do is act like he wants me a little. pretty much, the only reason i do this is because i know the only way i can get him to spend time with me is if there is sex involved. which is lame, because im a lot of fun. but i, like, neeeed him. but i dont. i made it through 2/3 of my life without him in it. hes not going to end up with me. if he was going to love me, he would have done so, or realized it, by now.
im sick of remembering how i was dying to love you. how badly i wanted to love you. and it wasnt that i wanted YOU to love me.. i wanted to love you. but i dont.
every wendy has to grow up.
i have to grow up..
..but i dont want to marry a grown up.
fuck.
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