Friday, February 04, 2005
*i know that you love me and soon you will see you were meant for me, and i was meant for you*
jewel
im waiting for the bathroom so i can take my contacts out and go to bed. so ill write for a minute.
i saw joe last night. he got here at 1230. we played 3 rounds of tony hawk, and i won. seriously we lasted maybe 20 minutes together before stuff was happening. actually, as soon as he got here, i went to the bathroom to put contacts in (cos id been sleeping), and when i got back he was all under my covers already. so we cuddled. sigh. the whole time i couldnt stop thinking that there is no way im not in love with him. i dont know what to do about it, though, bc if he was in love with me, he would somehow show it. and he doesnt. we talked about how his band is going to europe. then we talked about him, and his parents, and how hes broke. and how what we both want in a relationship is to stay home and watch movies and eat in and just be homebodies. i swear we were meant for each other. doesnt he get it? we are perfect for each other. perfect. PERFECT. i wanted to scream "i love you love you love you" but i knew that would be wrong. someday i will break down, and i will tell him that i love him too much for this. and ill walk away. cos i think i will always love him, but if he isnt involved in my life, then maybe i could push it far enough away that i can move on. i cant wait forever, although i would... i laughed and said "haha imagine we lived together? it would be nakedness and cuddling and staying in hahah" and he agreed. he said we would dread leaving and make up excuses to get out of family functions and other assorted activities so we could stay home and watch movies. and how we'd save a ton of money bc we would never go out, just stay home and be together. and we agreed that we'd rather make dinner than go out, and all that.
it was just intense. i missed him when he left. i talked with him today on AIM and through texts and he was good, and he told me he was proud of me for something that happened at school. but he didnt want to come over tonight. and i have a feeling i wont be seeing him for a little while. i will probably see if he wants to come over every week for the rest of the time hes home though. in hopes that he'll fall in love. or something.
but he wont.
start preparing yr speech, gille. you must move on....
jewel
im waiting for the bathroom so i can take my contacts out and go to bed. so ill write for a minute.
i saw joe last night. he got here at 1230. we played 3 rounds of tony hawk, and i won. seriously we lasted maybe 20 minutes together before stuff was happening. actually, as soon as he got here, i went to the bathroom to put contacts in (cos id been sleeping), and when i got back he was all under my covers already. so we cuddled. sigh. the whole time i couldnt stop thinking that there is no way im not in love with him. i dont know what to do about it, though, bc if he was in love with me, he would somehow show it. and he doesnt. we talked about how his band is going to europe. then we talked about him, and his parents, and how hes broke. and how what we both want in a relationship is to stay home and watch movies and eat in and just be homebodies. i swear we were meant for each other. doesnt he get it? we are perfect for each other. perfect. PERFECT. i wanted to scream "i love you love you love you" but i knew that would be wrong. someday i will break down, and i will tell him that i love him too much for this. and ill walk away. cos i think i will always love him, but if he isnt involved in my life, then maybe i could push it far enough away that i can move on. i cant wait forever, although i would... i laughed and said "haha imagine we lived together? it would be nakedness and cuddling and staying in hahah" and he agreed. he said we would dread leaving and make up excuses to get out of family functions and other assorted activities so we could stay home and watch movies. and how we'd save a ton of money bc we would never go out, just stay home and be together. and we agreed that we'd rather make dinner than go out, and all that.
it was just intense. i missed him when he left. i talked with him today on AIM and through texts and he was good, and he told me he was proud of me for something that happened at school. but he didnt want to come over tonight. and i have a feeling i wont be seeing him for a little while. i will probably see if he wants to come over every week for the rest of the time hes home though. in hopes that he'll fall in love. or something.
but he wont.
start preparing yr speech, gille. you must move on....
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