is it too late to heal?

the new cursive is amazing.

i am so sick. head cold. it hurts.
mike is out with his brother, probably getting drunk. they were sitting at the dock for like 5 hours drinking and grilling. he just called and told me he was going to continue to hang out with walter. it's funny, bc half the time he tells me how much he hates hanging out with his brother, but the other half he spends hanging out with him for 12 hours at a time, getting drunk and driving home. i don't care. this will be his problem in about 35 days, not mine. he can live with walter for all i care. spend all of his time drinking. i'm over this. next time he's sick, i'm going to leave him alone, too. i want a man who is going to want to spend his saturday nights with ME not his alcoholic brother. duh.

i'm watching all these history videos. i'm trying to get them all so i don't have to borrow them from anyone again, especially if i won't be at the same school next year.

last night i dreamt that kurt messaged me on myspace to say our friendship had run it's course and that it was best left as it was, in the past. i didn't like that. i want to hang out with him next week, but i feel like he spends all his days off with that stupid girl. i don't like it, i want him to want me, not her. i have no need for anyone except him. i'm an idiot.

i'm going to go to bed soon. i slept till like 1pm, and its only 1138 right now, but eh. i'm watching the final video i need to watch, so at least i can go to bed at like 1230.. maybe i'll watch some regular tv. i don't know. i just want to feel better. tomorrow i have to go to my mom's house for dinner.. my brother and his wife are pregnant... so we're having family dinner. my life is a disaster, i'm breaking up with my boyfriend, about to be single.. i have the best job ever, but i have no love in my life, and i am not likely to have any for some time. since kurt doesn't love me.. i don't know what my problem is, i fall in love with men who don't love me and i waste my life wanting and waiting. then i find someone who loves me, but whom i am unable to love. but then, i don't know who ever will really love michael. i mean, i guess it's possible.. but. he just doesn't have loveable qualities. like he has to right, he is a loner, he can be mean. i'm leaving him, and i can't wait.

when i brought pictures from my brothers wedding to work, i omitted pics of mike and i. he embarasses me. i'm not a bad looking girl, and he makes me look bad. i just cut my hair on thursday.

ok i'm going.