Monday, August 27, 2007
i've got nothing here but loneliness, holes in walls and bleeding fists. my head is pounding like a pillow, like a big black song.
well my friends and I try to tell me you're gone. won't listen to myself or anyone. you got on a plane and off you went. you're never coming back again.
i'm trying to convince myself it's true, convincing myself i'll be just fine without you.. i'll be just fine without you.. i'll be just fine without you, i'll be here telling myself it's true.
well my friends and I try to tell me you're gone. won't listen to myself or anyone. you got on a plane and off you went. you're never coming back again.
i'm trying to convince myself it's true, convincing myself i'll be just fine without you.. i'll be just fine without you.. i'll be just fine without you, i'll be here telling myself it's true.
alkaline trio
still miss you. still thinking of you constantly. i got through the whole day without texting you. i was so proud of myself.. and then you im me at 11:15. i almost got through the day being fine without you. somewhat fine. not fine at all...
..i'd kill for you and eat flesh, give you the heart and burn the rest, a thousand miles ain't shit to walk if i'm walkin to hold you..
why am i obsessed with you coming back to me? yr making me cds, pinback cds, and yr MAILING them to me. that's how badly you DON'T want to see me, yet i'm still madly in love with the idea of us. it makes no sense. it's senseless. why are you so perfect for me, yet not wanting to be with me? you said maybe you needed to see other girls to see how perfect i am for you. what a cop out. you might as well have never said that, because now i am focused on the idea that you just need to see that our existence is imperfect if we aren't together. fixated.
i want to be with you every day. i want to hold yr hand, lightly stroking yr arm.. i want to scratch yr beard, put my arms around you and hug and hug and hug. i want to hold you every morning. and every night. i want you to hold my hand every night while we sleep. every night for the rest of our lives.
i'm obsessed with the without a trace theme song. it's moby. i don't typically like moby at all, but this song hits me. touches me.
there are several ways to commit suicide without dying dying.
i think that's the line. from choke.. chuck palahniuk.
it's 230am. i have to be up in three hours to drive michael to jfk for his flight to portland. i don't know if sleeping is even worth it. i'll go to bed in an hour or so. sleep a little. come back from the airport, sleep some more. go to the police station to get my accident report. start hounding penske moving trucks for their insurance info and then going after their insurance to get a rental car and my car fixed. this is hell. driving mike's car is going to be hell. getting to the rental car place is going to be hell. life is hell. but it would be more bearable if i knew i was going to see you in 6 or 7 days. not 47. forty seven. f-o-r-t-y s-e-v-e-n. a lifetime. i changed my myspace song to pinback. a little bit of you. i miss you so much and it's been just over 48 hours since you walked out of my life.
kasha sleeps so cutely. she's so gorgeous. crazy cat lady it is. i'll just get a few more cats. like 5.
47. 47. 47. 47. 47.
i hate that number. it's my new least favorite number. tomorrow my least favorite number will be 46. then 45. and so on.
yr pillow on my bed still smells of yr skin. inhale deeply, pretend yr still here. instead of 47 days away. i just want you here. i want you here for every day. i have never felt this way before. i've never felt so strongly that having anyone (you) as a daily part of my life would make everything bright and shiny and perfect.
i failed at doing laundry today. no shower. no clean towels.
i think i must be insane.
still miss you. still thinking of you constantly. i got through the whole day without texting you. i was so proud of myself.. and then you im me at 11:15. i almost got through the day being fine without you. somewhat fine. not fine at all...
..i'd kill for you and eat flesh, give you the heart and burn the rest, a thousand miles ain't shit to walk if i'm walkin to hold you..
why am i obsessed with you coming back to me? yr making me cds, pinback cds, and yr MAILING them to me. that's how badly you DON'T want to see me, yet i'm still madly in love with the idea of us. it makes no sense. it's senseless. why are you so perfect for me, yet not wanting to be with me? you said maybe you needed to see other girls to see how perfect i am for you. what a cop out. you might as well have never said that, because now i am focused on the idea that you just need to see that our existence is imperfect if we aren't together. fixated.
i want to be with you every day. i want to hold yr hand, lightly stroking yr arm.. i want to scratch yr beard, put my arms around you and hug and hug and hug. i want to hold you every morning. and every night. i want you to hold my hand every night while we sleep. every night for the rest of our lives.
i'm obsessed with the without a trace theme song. it's moby. i don't typically like moby at all, but this song hits me. touches me.
there are several ways to commit suicide without dying dying.
i think that's the line. from choke.. chuck palahniuk.
it's 230am. i have to be up in three hours to drive michael to jfk for his flight to portland. i don't know if sleeping is even worth it. i'll go to bed in an hour or so. sleep a little. come back from the airport, sleep some more. go to the police station to get my accident report. start hounding penske moving trucks for their insurance info and then going after their insurance to get a rental car and my car fixed. this is hell. driving mike's car is going to be hell. getting to the rental car place is going to be hell. life is hell. but it would be more bearable if i knew i was going to see you in 6 or 7 days. not 47. forty seven. f-o-r-t-y s-e-v-e-n. a lifetime. i changed my myspace song to pinback. a little bit of you. i miss you so much and it's been just over 48 hours since you walked out of my life.
kasha sleeps so cutely. she's so gorgeous. crazy cat lady it is. i'll just get a few more cats. like 5.
47. 47. 47. 47. 47.
i hate that number. it's my new least favorite number. tomorrow my least favorite number will be 46. then 45. and so on.
yr pillow on my bed still smells of yr skin. inhale deeply, pretend yr still here. instead of 47 days away. i just want you here. i want you here for every day. i have never felt this way before. i've never felt so strongly that having anyone (you) as a daily part of my life would make everything bright and shiny and perfect.
i failed at doing laundry today. no shower. no clean towels.
i think i must be insane.
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