Sunday, September 30, 2007
i'll get over you.. i know i will, i'll pretend my ship's not sinking.. and i'll tell myself i'm over you cos i'm the king of wishful thinking.. i'm the king of wishful thinking
i'll get over you.. i know i will, you made a hole in my heart.. but i won't shed a tear for you, i'll be the king of wishful thinking
i'll get over you.. i'll pretend my heart's still beating cos i've got no more tears for you.. i'm the king of wishful thinking..
go west .. covered by new found glory
i'll get over you.. i know i will, you made a hole in my heart.. but i won't shed a tear for you, i'll be the king of wishful thinking
i'll get over you.. i'll pretend my heart's still beating cos i've got no more tears for you.. i'm the king of wishful thinking..
go west .. covered by new found glory
still lost without you. not sure how to fix this. i broke down and texted you today to see if you were still made. you said "no its ok forget it. i hope we can have an ok time saturday and not be miserable." then i apologized for being intense, and you apologized for being a jerk. that was that. an ok time? that's ... encouraging. you are aiming low. i'm going to be miserable regardless.
i keep focusing on the fact that you were able to walk away from me. the fact that you never took my side on anything. that you must not be right for me.. i don't know though. i don't think of anything else that's not you. you are the only thing i fixate on. i don't know what to do. i repeat myself constantly because i am a fucking lost cause.
i want saturday to come, and i want you to set eyes on me and realize that this is a huge mistake. that you don't want to spend another day of yr life without me in it. i want you to be unable to resist kissing me, to want me so bad that you can't think about anything else the entire night.. this is all wishful thinking, though, because you won't. you'll probably be awkward and me-avoidant.. at this point i'm questioning whether you will even hug me. did i kill the feelings you had for me with my impetuousness last week? i have to make it through five more days without you before we meet again and my heart is re-torn out and stomped on. a huge part of me hopes i'll be disgusted by you when i eventually see you. i know this won't happen. i'll still be mad for you. i'm such a moron.
i'll get over this eventually. i never thought i would get over joe and i'm totally over him now. but that took time. a lot of time. the last time i saw joe in a delusional romantic way was like feb 2005.. and i only got over him because i started going out with mike. and my obsession with him lasted so long.. like early 2003 - mid 2005.. over two years. i don't want to move on. i want to spend my life with you. that's all i want, why the fuck can i never have what i want? why don't i deserve to just be happy for more than a fucking minute at a time? why can't i just live and breathe and be just like everyone else? going though their days, smiling.. why can't bad things just stop happening to me ALL THE TIME? i've been single for a year now, and i deserve to meet someone who will make me smile. why does that person have to not love me? i'm so tired of people trying to set me up with men i'll have to learn to love, rather than just starting a life with someone i already love with every ounce of my being?
i hate being alive. i hate loving you. i hate everything about my life right now and i'm beginning to be able to handle it less and less..
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