Friday, September 14, 2007
i'm having some mild anxiety today. very mild. hardly noticeable, but still here. it's the halfway point. it's been three weeks since he left my apartment.. holding me so tight in the parking lot, beside his car.. not letting go of me until i pulled away. i walked to the door without looking back, entered the building without a glance to see him, knowing if i did i would surely go running back... a risk i couldn't bear. that was at about 7:30pm.. it's exactly 2 right now. 3 weeks from tomorrow i will see you again. i will hope you hug me when i arrive, and not that half-hearted buddy hug, either. i'm hoping for the kind of hug that means something. something big.
i switched my rental car today. the new one is doody. it's in not so good condition. it's a 2006 altima, but apparently only people who suck have rented it in the past. the inside is messy and there is minor damage to the outside of the car. but oh well. i only have to drive it for a few more days. hopefully i'll get my car back on monday or tuesday.. i should call the shop to ask about signing over the check....
i texted tom at like 1230 to tell him there was a huge praying mantis on my car. he hasn't responded. his lunch is sometime between 12 and 1, so i guess it wasn't something worth responding to. because at this point he is definitely back at his desk, working. his lunch never goes later than 2. i don't know.. i'm starting to be even more confused than i was. i get random texts from him, but he doesn't always respond to my random texts. and we were supposed to not be texting on a daily basis, but i am hearing from him on an almost daily basis. sunday he texted me. monday it was me, to say i was bored. not much conversation. tuesday it was me due to the overwhelming anxiety i was suffering from.. wednesday it was him to ask about the anxiety. yesterday it was me first about my nightmares, but then he randomly texted ME at 8pm about the keys in the dumpster thing. so it's really equal. i want to talk to him about the money thing i'm suffering through, and i intend to text him later, after i go to the mall with mike, to see if he can talk for a little. but then over the weekend i will not be texting him. i want to wait for it to be him. three weeks from tomorrow... that means i have to get through three more weekends.. the one that starts tonight and two more. this one should be easy, since i will be going out to my moms to clean all day tomorrow, and then to my dad's house. sure coming home will be lonely.. but sunday i have to write some lessons and also i have about 5 or 7 movies saved on my dvr that need to be watched. probably i'll watch one tonight.. one tomorrow night.. so it'll be ok. i'd rather be watching them with you though, because i'm totally in love with you.. 21 more days. september is going pretty fast, so at least there is that..
i can't wait to see you again. i can't wait to feel you near me. all i want is to hug you.. and wake up with you.. the big cuddly bear you are.. i hope so hard that you'll want me to stay and to sleep in yr bed. it's all i can think about, the potential of having that night with you. i don't care if you kiss me or not, i just want to sleep beside you. in one of yr t-shirts or something. i'll settle for yr couch, though. all i want is you.
i switched my rental car today. the new one is doody. it's in not so good condition. it's a 2006 altima, but apparently only people who suck have rented it in the past. the inside is messy and there is minor damage to the outside of the car. but oh well. i only have to drive it for a few more days. hopefully i'll get my car back on monday or tuesday.. i should call the shop to ask about signing over the check....
i texted tom at like 1230 to tell him there was a huge praying mantis on my car. he hasn't responded. his lunch is sometime between 12 and 1, so i guess it wasn't something worth responding to. because at this point he is definitely back at his desk, working. his lunch never goes later than 2. i don't know.. i'm starting to be even more confused than i was. i get random texts from him, but he doesn't always respond to my random texts. and we were supposed to not be texting on a daily basis, but i am hearing from him on an almost daily basis. sunday he texted me. monday it was me, to say i was bored. not much conversation. tuesday it was me due to the overwhelming anxiety i was suffering from.. wednesday it was him to ask about the anxiety. yesterday it was me first about my nightmares, but then he randomly texted ME at 8pm about the keys in the dumpster thing. so it's really equal. i want to talk to him about the money thing i'm suffering through, and i intend to text him later, after i go to the mall with mike, to see if he can talk for a little. but then over the weekend i will not be texting him. i want to wait for it to be him. three weeks from tomorrow... that means i have to get through three more weekends.. the one that starts tonight and two more. this one should be easy, since i will be going out to my moms to clean all day tomorrow, and then to my dad's house. sure coming home will be lonely.. but sunday i have to write some lessons and also i have about 5 or 7 movies saved on my dvr that need to be watched. probably i'll watch one tonight.. one tomorrow night.. so it'll be ok. i'd rather be watching them with you though, because i'm totally in love with you.. 21 more days. september is going pretty fast, so at least there is that..
i can't wait to see you again. i can't wait to feel you near me. all i want is to hug you.. and wake up with you.. the big cuddly bear you are.. i hope so hard that you'll want me to stay and to sleep in yr bed. it's all i can think about, the potential of having that night with you. i don't care if you kiss me or not, i just want to sleep beside you. in one of yr t-shirts or something. i'll settle for yr couch, though. all i want is you.
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