Monday, September 17, 2007
my insides lurched again when i popped onto okc for a second and you were there. it's not jealousy, which is what i usually feel. it's an intense wave of anxiety that you are, at that moment, chatting with some cute girl with large breasts and an outstanding personality, while i am here, longing for you.
i'm watching movies. it's not the same without you. it doesn't feel right. you should be here with me.
i should be moving on. i should be meeting boys.
i'm going to the city on saturday. i'm hoping to run into some dude from the past.. i'm hoping it will be derek. and he'll be single. and we'll have some drinks. and he'll take me home with him. and i can forget about you for a little while. derek. jesus. why the fuck and i thinking of that disaster? that's exactly what i DON'T need, casual sex. why not though? it wouldn't even increase my number. it would be re-sexing. that's totally ON limits. probably he will have a girlfriend or not be working, though, so it's stupid to think about. i just need to get you the fuck out of my head and i can't think of any other way than to sleep with someone other than you. not that we ever slept together. in the carnal sense.
yr an idiot. i hope you are taking to some amazing girl online. i hope you go out, and you have a wonderful time, and then she doesn't return yr calls. or, better, you go out a few times, develop feelings for her, and then she BREAKS YR HEART INTO A MILLION TINY PIECES. then you will know how i feel.
i hope it hurts when yr heart is a disaster. i hope you can't sleep at night and you writhe in pain. i hope you want to vomit all the time. i hope you spend yr days wondering what she's doing, who she's seeing. i hope yr miserable, and you can understand what it feels like to be me.
i won't be there to pick up yr pieces. i'll be in bed with some random man who isn't you and who will never be anywhere as good for me as you are.
i hope you can feel this pain. i hope you will feel what it's like to wonder if you will ever EVER be whole again.
i'm watching movies. it's not the same without you. it doesn't feel right. you should be here with me.
i should be moving on. i should be meeting boys.
i'm going to the city on saturday. i'm hoping to run into some dude from the past.. i'm hoping it will be derek. and he'll be single. and we'll have some drinks. and he'll take me home with him. and i can forget about you for a little while. derek. jesus. why the fuck and i thinking of that disaster? that's exactly what i DON'T need, casual sex. why not though? it wouldn't even increase my number. it would be re-sexing. that's totally ON limits. probably he will have a girlfriend or not be working, though, so it's stupid to think about. i just need to get you the fuck out of my head and i can't think of any other way than to sleep with someone other than you. not that we ever slept together. in the carnal sense.
yr an idiot. i hope you are taking to some amazing girl online. i hope you go out, and you have a wonderful time, and then she doesn't return yr calls. or, better, you go out a few times, develop feelings for her, and then she BREAKS YR HEART INTO A MILLION TINY PIECES. then you will know how i feel.
i hope it hurts when yr heart is a disaster. i hope you can't sleep at night and you writhe in pain. i hope you want to vomit all the time. i hope you spend yr days wondering what she's doing, who she's seeing. i hope yr miserable, and you can understand what it feels like to be me.
i won't be there to pick up yr pieces. i'll be in bed with some random man who isn't you and who will never be anywhere as good for me as you are.
i hope you can feel this pain. i hope you will feel what it's like to wonder if you will ever EVER be whole again.
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