Wednesday, September 19, 2007
this is my 500th post!
no lyrics. nothing is grabbing me right this moment. as has been the case for several days now. le sigh.
well i'm fairly excited. i have made a new friend! i haven't made a new friend in ages. one of my colleagues, heather. i really like her. i haven't really been on the market for new friends in ages and i feel somewhat socially awkward. i told my mom, and she said to just be myself.. i don't trust myself, however, to not say something stupid or be an idiot. so i'm trying, probably too hard. but it's happening pretty naturally and i'm psyched. i feel like it's a boy! haha. i want her to want to hang out with me, but i don't want to seem like a desperate kid who has no friends. anyway, today we walked to get coffee and chatted. we have been having little girl talk sessions during our free periods for the past few days. so we went to get coffee, then we ate our lunches together while talking to another teacher, lindsay. i like lindsay, too, but i don't think she has outside of work friend potential. 8th period lindsay conducts her class in the common area, so i went to my little office thing to gather materials i had to copy for heather (she's the special ed teacher, so i need to provide her with everything i do so she can help the kids in resource room). so i made the copies and i was making her a packet when she popped into my office and was like, "i've been looking for you!" so that made me happy because it means she likes to hang out with me. i'm such a moron hahaha. so then we had our afternoon meeting and afterward i had mentioned i planned to go into the city on saturday to scope cute boys and she was like "you have to call me! i'll be out, we'll meet up and look for cute boys!" so YAY. i have to remember to get her cell number so i can call her. we have a lot in common, though i wouldn't have initially pegged her as a potential friend. so i'm excited to have a new single girlfriend to prowl with. they changed some of our schedules today, and i'm happy because now i have an 8th period and so does heather, but she had to switch her 6th so now we have 6 and 7 off together instead of 7 and 8, but we can continue to hang out at work during our free periods. YAY. i just have to not be too weird, which i think i can handle.
i'm pretty hungry, but it's 830 already and i'm trying not to eat this late. i realized i was hungry earlier, but i didn't feel like eating. now i'm borderline starving, but i refuse to eat. i want to go to bed in like 2 hours, so that's the plan. get a nice 8 hours tonight. can't wait.
tomorrow is my friend bob's birthday. i have to remember to text him during the day. irene's bday is in like 5 days, so i need to go buy a card or make a card or something asap and get that out! jan got her bday present in the mail yesterday (it only took like 2 days to get to GA!!). i was thrilled because i had gotten her this family tree frame from things remembered.. we saw it when i was in GA last month and she said she would go back and get it.. so i got it and crossed my fingers that she hadn't gone back for it.. and she hadn't!!! so yay for that as well. she'll be home in december so i'm looking forward to that, and then i intend to go down to GA for passover weekend, which is like the last week of march. i have a 5 day weekend (thurs-mon off) so it's a good time to go, since she will likely be working by then and if i fly down on wednesday after work (MAYBE.. flying down on a work night was so stressful in april! plus it's a million times cheaper to fly out of newark and i doubt my ability to get to jersey from work at a reasonable flight time...)... anyway, if i fly down on wednesday night i can bum and read while she's at work on thursday and friday, and then i can fly home either late sunday or on monday night after jan come home from work.. or maybe i can get a ride, like stay with my grandparents on sunday night and they can take me to the airport monday. that would be hell, though, so i have to figure out the logistics when the time gets closer. or just go for easter, providing her parents aren't visiting.
wow i'm hungry. this is terrible.
i did not talk to tom today. i don't like him very much right now. he seemed to be getting uppity last night, but claimed i was misunderstanding him. i'm having fluctuating emotions dealing with having sent him the cd. on the one hand, i don't have regrets about falling in love with him.. but on the other, i have serious regrets about telling him. because it hasn't done anything. the fact that i'm so in love with him hasn't made him want to be with me, and it's basically a stupid unrequited emotion. there are 16 more days until i see him, which is now seeming more and more like a burden than something i will enjoy. i'm more and more conflicted every day. some texts from last night:
11:18pm "no bozo, i told you i love it and i'm glad you sent it"
WHY? why would you be glad i sent you that garbage? because it proves that someone loves you? that you have the ability to smash someone's heart into little tiny pieces??
11:23pm "i'm glad you sent it. so what if i cried."
11:28pm "because i told you it was sweet thoughtful and you put a lot of effort into the lyric thing and i love the songs and it'll always remind me of us"
WHAT THE FUCK? why do you want to be reminded of us? because yr never going to want me, and this way, you can have proof that you were loved and that you smashed my heart into little tiny pieces???
11:43pm "if it were meant to be it'll happen at some point. you know how i feel about you. i've told you many times."
to which i replied "i don't think i know. goodnight." because i don't KNOW. i know how you SAY you feel about me, but my logical side and, believe it or not, my heart say that this is a load of crap and you just don't want to hurt me more than you already have.
fucker.
8:45pm and i'm starving more and more. maybe i should eat a yogurt. i haven't had any tea today. just three (THREE!!!) cups of coffee. my finances are in a sad way and i'm not happy about it. i have to really begin to follow my budget. i left a light on ALL DAY today so i'm irate about that. but the trade off is that i haven't used my air conditioning all week. i even broke out the down comforter. why am i so hungry?
so saturday night i will troll for boys. i will drink, probably too much, and hope to see some gorgeous men. i will do my best to be sexy and seductive. i am pro bringing a stranger home with me. or going home with a stranger. i need to drown my sorrow in the pants of a strange boy. maybe then i can relax and let go of tom, because holding out for him means nothing at all and is useless. i'm not looking for a relationship right now. not at all. i'm looking for a nice hookup with no strings attached. the dude never has to call me again, i don't care. i just don't want to let another month go by without getting some. is that so bad? dudes are like this. dudes are always trying to sate some desire. for me, it will be stupid and probably make me feel worse since i am so ANTI casual relationships at this stage of my life.. i found out that derek got fired from chevy's, though, so he's out.
ugh i have to pee. i need to eat something small just to quell my angry stomach. maybe a nice cheese stick.
i hate that i'm still in love with you. but i'm going to do my best to get over you by getting under someone else this weekend.
no lyrics. nothing is grabbing me right this moment. as has been the case for several days now. le sigh.
well i'm fairly excited. i have made a new friend! i haven't made a new friend in ages. one of my colleagues, heather. i really like her. i haven't really been on the market for new friends in ages and i feel somewhat socially awkward. i told my mom, and she said to just be myself.. i don't trust myself, however, to not say something stupid or be an idiot. so i'm trying, probably too hard. but it's happening pretty naturally and i'm psyched. i feel like it's a boy! haha. i want her to want to hang out with me, but i don't want to seem like a desperate kid who has no friends. anyway, today we walked to get coffee and chatted. we have been having little girl talk sessions during our free periods for the past few days. so we went to get coffee, then we ate our lunches together while talking to another teacher, lindsay. i like lindsay, too, but i don't think she has outside of work friend potential. 8th period lindsay conducts her class in the common area, so i went to my little office thing to gather materials i had to copy for heather (she's the special ed teacher, so i need to provide her with everything i do so she can help the kids in resource room). so i made the copies and i was making her a packet when she popped into my office and was like, "i've been looking for you!" so that made me happy because it means she likes to hang out with me. i'm such a moron hahaha. so then we had our afternoon meeting and afterward i had mentioned i planned to go into the city on saturday to scope cute boys and she was like "you have to call me! i'll be out, we'll meet up and look for cute boys!" so YAY. i have to remember to get her cell number so i can call her. we have a lot in common, though i wouldn't have initially pegged her as a potential friend. so i'm excited to have a new single girlfriend to prowl with. they changed some of our schedules today, and i'm happy because now i have an 8th period and so does heather, but she had to switch her 6th so now we have 6 and 7 off together instead of 7 and 8, but we can continue to hang out at work during our free periods. YAY. i just have to not be too weird, which i think i can handle.
i'm pretty hungry, but it's 830 already and i'm trying not to eat this late. i realized i was hungry earlier, but i didn't feel like eating. now i'm borderline starving, but i refuse to eat. i want to go to bed in like 2 hours, so that's the plan. get a nice 8 hours tonight. can't wait.
tomorrow is my friend bob's birthday. i have to remember to text him during the day. irene's bday is in like 5 days, so i need to go buy a card or make a card or something asap and get that out! jan got her bday present in the mail yesterday (it only took like 2 days to get to GA!!). i was thrilled because i had gotten her this family tree frame from things remembered.. we saw it when i was in GA last month and she said she would go back and get it.. so i got it and crossed my fingers that she hadn't gone back for it.. and she hadn't!!! so yay for that as well. she'll be home in december so i'm looking forward to that, and then i intend to go down to GA for passover weekend, which is like the last week of march. i have a 5 day weekend (thurs-mon off) so it's a good time to go, since she will likely be working by then and if i fly down on wednesday after work (MAYBE.. flying down on a work night was so stressful in april! plus it's a million times cheaper to fly out of newark and i doubt my ability to get to jersey from work at a reasonable flight time...)... anyway, if i fly down on wednesday night i can bum and read while she's at work on thursday and friday, and then i can fly home either late sunday or on monday night after jan come home from work.. or maybe i can get a ride, like stay with my grandparents on sunday night and they can take me to the airport monday. that would be hell, though, so i have to figure out the logistics when the time gets closer. or just go for easter, providing her parents aren't visiting.
wow i'm hungry. this is terrible.
i did not talk to tom today. i don't like him very much right now. he seemed to be getting uppity last night, but claimed i was misunderstanding him. i'm having fluctuating emotions dealing with having sent him the cd. on the one hand, i don't have regrets about falling in love with him.. but on the other, i have serious regrets about telling him. because it hasn't done anything. the fact that i'm so in love with him hasn't made him want to be with me, and it's basically a stupid unrequited emotion. there are 16 more days until i see him, which is now seeming more and more like a burden than something i will enjoy. i'm more and more conflicted every day. some texts from last night:
11:18pm "no bozo, i told you i love it and i'm glad you sent it"
WHY? why would you be glad i sent you that garbage? because it proves that someone loves you? that you have the ability to smash someone's heart into little tiny pieces??
11:23pm "i'm glad you sent it. so what if i cried."
11:28pm "because i told you it was sweet thoughtful and you put a lot of effort into the lyric thing and i love the songs and it'll always remind me of us"
WHAT THE FUCK? why do you want to be reminded of us? because yr never going to want me, and this way, you can have proof that you were loved and that you smashed my heart into little tiny pieces???
11:43pm "if it were meant to be it'll happen at some point. you know how i feel about you. i've told you many times."
to which i replied "i don't think i know. goodnight." because i don't KNOW. i know how you SAY you feel about me, but my logical side and, believe it or not, my heart say that this is a load of crap and you just don't want to hurt me more than you already have.
fucker.
8:45pm and i'm starving more and more. maybe i should eat a yogurt. i haven't had any tea today. just three (THREE!!!) cups of coffee. my finances are in a sad way and i'm not happy about it. i have to really begin to follow my budget. i left a light on ALL DAY today so i'm irate about that. but the trade off is that i haven't used my air conditioning all week. i even broke out the down comforter. why am i so hungry?
so saturday night i will troll for boys. i will drink, probably too much, and hope to see some gorgeous men. i will do my best to be sexy and seductive. i am pro bringing a stranger home with me. or going home with a stranger. i need to drown my sorrow in the pants of a strange boy. maybe then i can relax and let go of tom, because holding out for him means nothing at all and is useless. i'm not looking for a relationship right now. not at all. i'm looking for a nice hookup with no strings attached. the dude never has to call me again, i don't care. i just don't want to let another month go by without getting some. is that so bad? dudes are like this. dudes are always trying to sate some desire. for me, it will be stupid and probably make me feel worse since i am so ANTI casual relationships at this stage of my life.. i found out that derek got fired from chevy's, though, so he's out.
ugh i have to pee. i need to eat something small just to quell my angry stomach. maybe a nice cheese stick.
i hate that i'm still in love with you. but i'm going to do my best to get over you by getting under someone else this weekend.
Subscribe to Comments [Atom]