Monday, October 29, 2007
here's to us fools that have no meaning, i tip my glass to you, let's toast the night away to friends and forget about tomorrow
new found glory
new found glory
new found glory last night was amazing. like AMAZING. they opened with "hit or miss".. love that song!!! it was my first nfg song so it was really awesome that they opened with it.. they played, in NOT this order, : understatement, all downhill from here, iris, kiss me, something i call personality, better off dead, failure's not flattering, head on collision, intro, ballad for the lost romantics (<3333), stay (and lisa loeb was there to do her part of the song!!!), coming home, hold my hand, it ain't me babe, and they ended it with my friends over you. soooo gooood!!! there might be one or two more songs from the self-titled record, but i can't remember.. it was easily one of my top 5 shows of all time. oh, and jordan is hotttt. HOTTTT. i'd love to love that man. but no, i'm a regular person, and he's a rockstar. sigh.
so here i am on a monday night feeling miserable despite the excitement of having seen an amazing show last night. i'm enveloped by sadness, no thanks to tom. i don't know why he's still the first thing i think of when i wake up in the morning. he still occupies my mind most of the hours of the day. and he still doesn't want me. so i guess it's time to forget him. friday night i will see avail with him and ryan. on december 15 we will go see weston. and then i will be gone. i know i say this all the time.. but it's happening now. i can't do this anymore. i have to be strong.
what i really need is a therapist. because i can't handle the feelings of worthlessness that are springing up again. i thought i was done with these feelings, i thought i would never return to the hole of no self-esteem, where all things are dark and i have no hope. where i feel like i have nothing to offer the world, and especially not a dude. where i feel like i'll die alone and maybe that's what's right for me since i'm so worthless, so useless, so unworthy of the love of another human being.....
at least i have the most perfect animal on the face of the planet. i'm cold. i'm freezing. my eyes are burning from the tears i expended today after receiving somewhat hostile text messages from tom. because in a fit of neediness i needed him to remind me that he cares, that there is potential for him to love me someday. i'm so stupid. i can't hold on to a future that will not exist. i just have to forget. forget. forget. forget....
so here i am on a monday night feeling miserable despite the excitement of having seen an amazing show last night. i'm enveloped by sadness, no thanks to tom. i don't know why he's still the first thing i think of when i wake up in the morning. he still occupies my mind most of the hours of the day. and he still doesn't want me. so i guess it's time to forget him. friday night i will see avail with him and ryan. on december 15 we will go see weston. and then i will be gone. i know i say this all the time.. but it's happening now. i can't do this anymore. i have to be strong.
what i really need is a therapist. because i can't handle the feelings of worthlessness that are springing up again. i thought i was done with these feelings, i thought i would never return to the hole of no self-esteem, where all things are dark and i have no hope. where i feel like i have nothing to offer the world, and especially not a dude. where i feel like i'll die alone and maybe that's what's right for me since i'm so worthless, so useless, so unworthy of the love of another human being.....
at least i have the most perfect animal on the face of the planet. i'm cold. i'm freezing. my eyes are burning from the tears i expended today after receiving somewhat hostile text messages from tom. because in a fit of neediness i needed him to remind me that he cares, that there is potential for him to love me someday. i'm so stupid. i can't hold on to a future that will not exist. i just have to forget. forget. forget. forget....
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