Saturday, October 20, 2007
pull the trigger and the nightmare stops
coheed & cambria
coheed & cambria
as of this moment i have no lyrics to post. if i think of something along the way, there will be lyrics above!
i'm a disaster today. i was very sad all day. i have no idea what to do about the tom thing. my friends seem to agree that i need to stop being friends with him.. i need to distance myself so i can move on. they are probably right, but i'm as yet unwilling to give up the hope that we could be together in the future. because i'm obviously an idiot.
it's late. this is horrendous. tomorrow all i'm going to do is sleep. i came home and took an hour and a half or two hour nap. i woke up and was tearful. heather called and asked if i was feeling better (i was sad at work) and i was ok. then i talked to my mom and she sounded irritable. then i talked to my dad and he was busy. so i just laid there, sad, tearful. i don't know. i can't talk about things with him to anyone. i think jan is tired of listening to me. my mom just tells me to move on, that i'm past the "pining stage" of my life. antonia says he's stupid and not that cute. blah blah blah. everyone gives me tough love. so i keep it to myself and have a very hard time. so i break down. like tonight. i don't want to deal with this anymoreeeeee.
i got to round 19 of mahjong today.
kasha is now two years old. it was torrential downpours today so i didn't go get her a present. maybe tomorrow i'll go to petco and see if they have the pink name tags. buy her a nice new one. maybe a new collar, or a toy. she doesn't seem to understand the concept of her birthday, though she did give me extra bath time today and more than usual snuggle down.
speaking of bath... maybe tomorrow i'll take a nice bath. that's what i'll do to feel a little better. make a nice cup of tea and climb into the tub with my salt things from lush. i'm somewhat into the book i'm reading (crash by j.g. ballard), so i can read in the tub whilst sipping some tea.
temporary solution to a permanent problem. i'm sure i'll emerge from the bath still in love with an intangible boy. i will see him soon. on nov 2. seeing avail.. ryan is coming, though, so i don't know what that will be like. after that i have to pull back from the showgoing with tom. i have to forget that i have serious feelings for him and try to meet dudes. i really am tired of being alone. i at least need a distraction. so far i haven't been able to fall for anyone in a long time. that's part of why i so treasure tom.. he's the first guy i've had real feelings for in years. i just don't click with many people. i'm a difficult person or something.
blah blah blah. all i do is babble.
i think i'm addicted to heartbreak. no, i know i've said this before. or maybe i've said i'm a sucker for it. but i think i'm addicted. like i can't function without something to make me miserable. that's not true though. i don't know, maybe it is.
i'm not making sense now.
goodnight.
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