Monday, November 12, 2007
right now i am suffering from an intense stomach ache. i want it to stop. i want everything to stop. i feel huge amounts of tears welling up right now. the potential for everything to fall apart. i can't keep doing this. i can't keep feeling this way. i don't know what to do or what to say or what to think besides i hate it all and i can't make it stop. i don't want to have these feelings anymore. i don't want to feel so hurt, so rejected, so.. just so... every day. i don't want to do this. i don't want to walk away from you. i have 32 days left until the day comes when i have to be strong. i have to walk away. i just have to do it. i want to do it now, before i lose my nerve, but we have these weston tickets.. it's not like i couldn't get someone else to go with me.. it's a saturday night and i could get someone to go.. but. i don't know. i guess it would be better to do it face to face. not be a pussy. but i am. i am a huge scaredy pants. i feel sick thinking about it. literally, sick. s-i-c-k. sick sick sick sick sick.
i need to go sob.
i need to go sob.
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