Thursday, November 22, 2007
you write such pretty words, but life's no story book. love's an excuse to get hurt.. and to hurt.. do you like to hurt?
bright eyes
blah. that is that.
apparently i have been overdrafting my bank account for the past month. i had no idea. all the sudden there are a whole slew of negative account balances. i am now hawking my funds though because i want to have money to waste in atlantic city. i always hawk my funds so that's really why this is news to me. oh well.
i'm tired. i have had a stomach ache for three days. it's awesome.
nets finally won again tonight. that was nice. no texts from tom. i guess he wasn't thinking of me during the spectacularness of the nets win. i didn't text him either. apparently he makes out with a lot of girls. this is some sort of deterrent for me. i don't know how long it will last, but i'm at least a little deterred from wanting him.
saw bright eyes with jan on monday night. spent much of their set texting with tom. about us, or the lack thereof. so i don't know. he says our 30s will be less confusing. i can't wait for him that long. i want to be married. if i have to settle for less than the one i was meant to be with, then so be it. i don't know what else to do anymore. i gotta move on. i should be ready by now. it's been three full months since we formally ended it with two small mishaps. but i'm saying goodbye in 23 days. a very frightening thought, but it has to be a reality. i can't keep stringing myself along. he isn't even doing it anymore, i'm doing it to myself. so i'm going to get out there and meet new people. it's what must be done. i have the image of my perfect man in my brain but i think he's a fantasy. i'll just have to date around or something. try to make a connection, even if it isn't a forever connection. just something to make the days less painful.
maybe he's right, we are just good friends who happen to have some sexual chemistry. not that he's specifically said that, though he has said maybe we were meant to be friends time and time again. when i walk out of his life, at least for the time being, on december 15th or 16th, then i will see if i stop missing him. if i can stop thinking of him for most of my day. if that happens, i guess it's just friendship. it's impossible though because joe and kurt cross my mind frequently. i never forget the ones that got away.. so who knows. but if i think of him even a little less often i guess that will be a job well done. i can't keep feeling like this. i want to have something more than my studio apartment and lovely kitty.
so i guess it's technically thanksgiving. i need to get up in like 8 hours. i need my bed right now or else i'll be tired for a long day of talking with family. i'm way too antisocial for holidays. i'd rather stay home and get retarded personally.
going to see snapcase on sunday. only 9 more days until brand new!! that's exciting. i'm pretty proud of myself for not spending any money this month. my cupboards are totally bare though. i don't think i can make it on ramen for much longer. i really just need some water and some pasta sauce. that could get me by for a little while at least. it's going to be a rough month but i can handle it. i think.
bed.
bright eyes
blah. that is that.
apparently i have been overdrafting my bank account for the past month. i had no idea. all the sudden there are a whole slew of negative account balances. i am now hawking my funds though because i want to have money to waste in atlantic city. i always hawk my funds so that's really why this is news to me. oh well.
i'm tired. i have had a stomach ache for three days. it's awesome.
nets finally won again tonight. that was nice. no texts from tom. i guess he wasn't thinking of me during the spectacularness of the nets win. i didn't text him either. apparently he makes out with a lot of girls. this is some sort of deterrent for me. i don't know how long it will last, but i'm at least a little deterred from wanting him.
saw bright eyes with jan on monday night. spent much of their set texting with tom. about us, or the lack thereof. so i don't know. he says our 30s will be less confusing. i can't wait for him that long. i want to be married. if i have to settle for less than the one i was meant to be with, then so be it. i don't know what else to do anymore. i gotta move on. i should be ready by now. it's been three full months since we formally ended it with two small mishaps. but i'm saying goodbye in 23 days. a very frightening thought, but it has to be a reality. i can't keep stringing myself along. he isn't even doing it anymore, i'm doing it to myself. so i'm going to get out there and meet new people. it's what must be done. i have the image of my perfect man in my brain but i think he's a fantasy. i'll just have to date around or something. try to make a connection, even if it isn't a forever connection. just something to make the days less painful.
maybe he's right, we are just good friends who happen to have some sexual chemistry. not that he's specifically said that, though he has said maybe we were meant to be friends time and time again. when i walk out of his life, at least for the time being, on december 15th or 16th, then i will see if i stop missing him. if i can stop thinking of him for most of my day. if that happens, i guess it's just friendship. it's impossible though because joe and kurt cross my mind frequently. i never forget the ones that got away.. so who knows. but if i think of him even a little less often i guess that will be a job well done. i can't keep feeling like this. i want to have something more than my studio apartment and lovely kitty.
so i guess it's technically thanksgiving. i need to get up in like 8 hours. i need my bed right now or else i'll be tired for a long day of talking with family. i'm way too antisocial for holidays. i'd rather stay home and get retarded personally.
going to see snapcase on sunday. only 9 more days until brand new!! that's exciting. i'm pretty proud of myself for not spending any money this month. my cupboards are totally bare though. i don't think i can make it on ramen for much longer. i really just need some water and some pasta sauce. that could get me by for a little while at least. it's going to be a rough month but i can handle it. i think.
bed.
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