Tuesday, December 25, 2007
i had a song i wanted to use, but i forget.
merry christmas, by the way!!!
ok, so.. i'm so excited. i keep saying this. i'm just really happy. like genuinely, purely happy. i have motivation and energy. it's not like i can get up in the morning, don't go that far! but i've been cleaning my apartment, i've just had a lot of crazy energy. i feel all wound up. i'm really not used to this, but i'm excited about it. maybe it's finally my time to get something i want... i am NOT getting my hopes up. that would be stupid. but still.
i texted stephan today to say merry christmas and we texted sporadically throughout the day. the best was the last one he sent.. because it said "talk to you later." i don't know why that made me so happy, but it did. i wonder when the movies are going to come!! they better come by friday! we have our plans tentatively scheduled for saturday or monday. i think i've already discussed this. but today is tuesday. so that means i have between 4 and 6 more days to wait!!! i can do this. i already have huge amounts of anxiety. ryan says i should just tell him what's on my mind. that's way too much for me, though. i really need to take this as it comes. if something happens, that's great. but if not, then it won't be the end of the world. i showed my sister-in-law his picture and she said she could totally see us together. see, he's perfect for me! buttttt.. i don't know. i can't get my hopes up. regardless how intensely i feel, i can't let it get to me. i already did for a year. he was all i thought about for like a good 9 months. and then another year and a half after that, but during that time i was occupied by joe. i have a history of having intense feelings for unattainable men, so it would make sense for this to follow in those exact footsteps. but. i don't know. he has never texted me of his own volition. maybe i need to just realize that it's friendship. maybe he's just not a random texter like i am. i have no idea.
i've been really good about tom lately. he and i have barely spoken. he sent me a merry xmas text today but that's it. however, i did fail and buy him a book on the mole people which i mailed to him yesterday. he should get it tomorrow or thursday. i don't know. i definitely still care about him, but i have to let go. and i really am.. a friend can send a friend gift, right? i'm always thinking of everyone. i also bought these lavender and sage tea light candles with the intention of giving some of them to steve because he told me he loves the smell of lavender. so that proves that i'm thinking of other dudes. meh!
anyway. christmas eve and christmas were good. last night i went to my mom's house and we decorated the tree had dinner, and exchanged gifts. my brother didn't get me anything, which i thought was somewhat uncool, but whatever. his wife makes all the decisions. but i got some cds, some shirts, some books (one has a main character named stephEn jones!! irony!!!), perfume, thats 70s show season one, and some little things from my mom. jay got me this awesome tea pot. it's see-through glass and it comes with these tea ball things that when you put the hot water in, it opens into a flower. very cool! so i slept at my mom's house with my baby cat. she had a good time playing with yoda also so that was fun watching them play! i woke up this morning and we had breakfast. i lazed around for a while, and then i went over to my dad's. since the sibs decided we were doing secret santa this year, my dad and i exchanged alone today. it made me really happy that he kept my traditions while also allowing the sibs to save their precious money. anyway, my dad got me the once dvd (YAY!! but i can't watch it before i watch it with steve!!), a cd, that 70s show season 2, a forever21 gift card, a book, and a vacuum. i am SO PSYCHED about the vacuum. i am SO vacuuming my apartment tomorrow. i'm going to move all the chairs and finally get the litter out of the carpet! so awesome. it has many facets and i'm very happy about it. so i had dinner over there, a nice lasagna. it was a good day. had to listen to kasha SCREAMING in the car all the way home, but it was bearable.
kasha is sleeping on top of the cabinets in the kitchen. i keep calling her, but she isn't coming. this makes me sad. i want her here NOW.
i'm really babbling right now. i'm a babble head! i have that date tomorrow, with kings park guy. i'm not too psyched. i already know there is no potential for a future. i don't even know why i'm doing this. well yes i do, it's to just get out there. but my eggs are all in another basket, and that basket lives across two rivers. i figure it will be easier for me to meet him and say there was no spark than it would be for me to shrug him off after talking for several weeks.
saturday or monday!! i can't wait to find out which so i can focus all of my energy on that. i want to bring cookies. well, if he comes here i won't have to bring anything. i don't know what the plan is. definitely if we decide on monday i am going to go there. it makes more sense. i can leave my apartment at like 1 and take several hours to get there since the city it going to be a fucking madhouse. he has to work all day monday, so if he were to leave work at 4:30, head home to like change or whatnot (as i don't imagine he would be coming over in a suit!), and then come here, he would be leaving at rush hour on new year's eve. and last time i checked, the city was a fucking mob scene on new years what with times square being the place to be (WHY?). he logically wouldn't get here until like 8 or 9. so in that case, i would just go over to nj. if it were saturday, i would not care that the plan is. he can come here, i can go there. but i would really really rather go there on monday. spending new years with him would really be bliss for me.. i would bring cookies and some sparkling cider. omg i can't think about this because if he chooses saturday i will feel sad. it's not like i don't have it all planned in my head already, but eh. i don't need to talk about it..
ok i'm done babbling. i've been typing for like an hour. ok 40 minutes. but still. ok. goodnight!!!
merry christmas, by the way!!!
ok, so.. i'm so excited. i keep saying this. i'm just really happy. like genuinely, purely happy. i have motivation and energy. it's not like i can get up in the morning, don't go that far! but i've been cleaning my apartment, i've just had a lot of crazy energy. i feel all wound up. i'm really not used to this, but i'm excited about it. maybe it's finally my time to get something i want... i am NOT getting my hopes up. that would be stupid. but still.
i texted stephan today to say merry christmas and we texted sporadically throughout the day. the best was the last one he sent.. because it said "talk to you later." i don't know why that made me so happy, but it did. i wonder when the movies are going to come!! they better come by friday! we have our plans tentatively scheduled for saturday or monday. i think i've already discussed this. but today is tuesday. so that means i have between 4 and 6 more days to wait!!! i can do this. i already have huge amounts of anxiety. ryan says i should just tell him what's on my mind. that's way too much for me, though. i really need to take this as it comes. if something happens, that's great. but if not, then it won't be the end of the world. i showed my sister-in-law his picture and she said she could totally see us together. see, he's perfect for me! buttttt.. i don't know. i can't get my hopes up. regardless how intensely i feel, i can't let it get to me. i already did for a year. he was all i thought about for like a good 9 months. and then another year and a half after that, but during that time i was occupied by joe. i have a history of having intense feelings for unattainable men, so it would make sense for this to follow in those exact footsteps. but. i don't know. he has never texted me of his own volition. maybe i need to just realize that it's friendship. maybe he's just not a random texter like i am. i have no idea.
i've been really good about tom lately. he and i have barely spoken. he sent me a merry xmas text today but that's it. however, i did fail and buy him a book on the mole people which i mailed to him yesterday. he should get it tomorrow or thursday. i don't know. i definitely still care about him, but i have to let go. and i really am.. a friend can send a friend gift, right? i'm always thinking of everyone. i also bought these lavender and sage tea light candles with the intention of giving some of them to steve because he told me he loves the smell of lavender. so that proves that i'm thinking of other dudes. meh!
anyway. christmas eve and christmas were good. last night i went to my mom's house and we decorated the tree had dinner, and exchanged gifts. my brother didn't get me anything, which i thought was somewhat uncool, but whatever. his wife makes all the decisions. but i got some cds, some shirts, some books (one has a main character named stephEn jones!! irony!!!), perfume, thats 70s show season one, and some little things from my mom. jay got me this awesome tea pot. it's see-through glass and it comes with these tea ball things that when you put the hot water in, it opens into a flower. very cool! so i slept at my mom's house with my baby cat. she had a good time playing with yoda also so that was fun watching them play! i woke up this morning and we had breakfast. i lazed around for a while, and then i went over to my dad's. since the sibs decided we were doing secret santa this year, my dad and i exchanged alone today. it made me really happy that he kept my traditions while also allowing the sibs to save their precious money. anyway, my dad got me the once dvd (YAY!! but i can't watch it before i watch it with steve!!), a cd, that 70s show season 2, a forever21 gift card, a book, and a vacuum. i am SO PSYCHED about the vacuum. i am SO vacuuming my apartment tomorrow. i'm going to move all the chairs and finally get the litter out of the carpet! so awesome. it has many facets and i'm very happy about it. so i had dinner over there, a nice lasagna. it was a good day. had to listen to kasha SCREAMING in the car all the way home, but it was bearable.
kasha is sleeping on top of the cabinets in the kitchen. i keep calling her, but she isn't coming. this makes me sad. i want her here NOW.
i'm really babbling right now. i'm a babble head! i have that date tomorrow, with kings park guy. i'm not too psyched. i already know there is no potential for a future. i don't even know why i'm doing this. well yes i do, it's to just get out there. but my eggs are all in another basket, and that basket lives across two rivers. i figure it will be easier for me to meet him and say there was no spark than it would be for me to shrug him off after talking for several weeks.
saturday or monday!! i can't wait to find out which so i can focus all of my energy on that. i want to bring cookies. well, if he comes here i won't have to bring anything. i don't know what the plan is. definitely if we decide on monday i am going to go there. it makes more sense. i can leave my apartment at like 1 and take several hours to get there since the city it going to be a fucking madhouse. he has to work all day monday, so if he were to leave work at 4:30, head home to like change or whatnot (as i don't imagine he would be coming over in a suit!), and then come here, he would be leaving at rush hour on new year's eve. and last time i checked, the city was a fucking mob scene on new years what with times square being the place to be (WHY?). he logically wouldn't get here until like 8 or 9. so in that case, i would just go over to nj. if it were saturday, i would not care that the plan is. he can come here, i can go there. but i would really really rather go there on monday. spending new years with him would really be bliss for me.. i would bring cookies and some sparkling cider. omg i can't think about this because if he chooses saturday i will feel sad. it's not like i don't have it all planned in my head already, but eh. i don't need to talk about it..
ok i'm done babbling. i've been typing for like an hour. ok 40 minutes. but still. ok. goodnight!!!
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