Wednesday, December 19, 2007
i'm pretty excited about the fact that i did not really think much of tom today. i did not have ANY urge to text him. he can be out on a date with the girl he likes, and that would be fine with me. because i am thinking about steve. all the time. like constantly. and how hot he is. and how much he gets me. and those tattoos.... wowzers. i can't get enough of the image of him in my mind. all i think about is when is too soon to text him. or call. or see him again. i wish he would text me. but i doubt that will happen. he is as much of a loner as i am, and i could see not hearing from him forever. i really want to ask him if he wants to have super sober new years. movie marathon. i wonder how long his netflix queue is. i wonder how long it will take for vanilla sky to come in, seeing as he's had his current netflix movies for like a month. i want to go to jersey next week, use dionne as an excuse (she wants to hang out for some odd reason!). but i worry that i'll choose a bad day. and it'll be a work night for him. i want to have new years fun. i want it to be with steve. movie marathon new years. sober. potentially naked. ok not naked, i am not that fast anymore. but semi-naked would be ok with me! or fully clothed, but with kisses. i'm pro kisses. i'm pro steve. wow oh wow. i get so excited thinking about him. i want to explode. he's so hot. every little thing about him is hot.
he's really all i am thinking about. i see him in his kitchen, making coffee. i see him on the couch with his shirt riding up a little. i could see his underwear. my eyes kept wandering down to his waist. i wanted to touch them. i'm insane.
when can i see him again? when, when, when? when can i see him? when can i seeeeee him? it's going to be forever. if it's new years, thats like a week and a half. maybe before then. maybe i can work myself into his weekend. he can come over. hang out with my kitty. and me. me me me. can i see him? can he kiss me? i want that so bad. i waited so long in grad school.
what if something was there back then, and he was just too good a guy to act on it? what if there was something real and amazing, but the timing was off? i feel all the same things i felt 5 years ago when i see him now. i adore the way he gets so excited over playing records. vinyl records. the way he opened up to me, told me his story, bared all.
we sat inches from each other on the couch at his place. inches. he sat nearer to me. what if i had edged closer? what if my demeanor was too closed, because i kept to my designated couch spot? what if i needed to get closer, because he was unsure? what was that gaze, that hesitation as we ended the hug? was it desire? or was it just his intensity? i can't stop wondering. i have to see him again, and soon. i have to see him, and i have to give off some signals that would clue him in and make him want to kiss me.
i have to see him. i have to see him soon.
goodbye tom. hello steve.
he's really all i am thinking about. i see him in his kitchen, making coffee. i see him on the couch with his shirt riding up a little. i could see his underwear. my eyes kept wandering down to his waist. i wanted to touch them. i'm insane.
when can i see him again? when, when, when? when can i see him? when can i seeeeee him? it's going to be forever. if it's new years, thats like a week and a half. maybe before then. maybe i can work myself into his weekend. he can come over. hang out with my kitty. and me. me me me. can i see him? can he kiss me? i want that so bad. i waited so long in grad school.
what if something was there back then, and he was just too good a guy to act on it? what if there was something real and amazing, but the timing was off? i feel all the same things i felt 5 years ago when i see him now. i adore the way he gets so excited over playing records. vinyl records. the way he opened up to me, told me his story, bared all.
we sat inches from each other on the couch at his place. inches. he sat nearer to me. what if i had edged closer? what if my demeanor was too closed, because i kept to my designated couch spot? what if i needed to get closer, because he was unsure? what was that gaze, that hesitation as we ended the hug? was it desire? or was it just his intensity? i can't stop wondering. i have to see him again, and soon. i have to see him, and i have to give off some signals that would clue him in and make him want to kiss me.
i have to see him. i have to see him soon.
goodbye tom. hello steve.
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