Tuesday, January 01, 2008
still having intense emotions in regards to steve. i don't foresee an end to this. i'm ok with that. i like this feeling. we texted for 2 hours today. we talked about writing and 2007 and issues we have. he suggested i write a letter of appreciation to 2007. i thought about it, and i did. in my regular journal. because as sucky as 2007 was, i learned a lot and i do have things to be thankful for. i learned to let go. i learned to let myself feel emotions i had been closed to for quite some time. but at this moment, what i am most thankful for from 2007 is reconnecting with the man of my dreams. and having him be interested in me.
kasha is snoring. it's cute!
so earlier, when we were texting, i said that 2008 is going to be rad. he said "yeah, it looks like 2008 has a lot of potential..." i am choosing to believe that those ellipses means that there is potential for US. because i am having a new positive outlook in 2008. i feel like ellipses always have a secret, cryptic meaning behind them. when we talked a little while ago (ok, texted), he ended it with "talk to you later..." more ellipses!
i'm smoking entirely too many cigarettes today.
i'm having a lot of trouble thinking about anything other than the man of my dreams. wondering if he is ever thinking of me. thinking of the potential of an us. i'm not rushing this. i want things to happen as they happen. i will not pressure this boy. that would be antithetical to my cause. which is, of course, to be with him. i feel potential. and i think that's really all that matters at this point. the potential.
i want to see him. i don't miss him, i just want him to be here with me. i could have to get through three more days before i see him, or i could have to go through ten more. and if it's the ten, i'll probably have my period, which would ruin everything. so i'm really hoping he'll come out this weekend. we could go see the movie he wants to see, there will be blood or something. we could sing karaoke competitively. we could make out. a lot.
i read a lot about scorpios. i found this quite amusing because he is THE scorpion. it even talks about the intense eyes of the scorpion, which is something i go on and on about. his eyes. they see through you. the most intense gaze i have ever met. captivating. apparently they are the most passionate and sensual sign as well. this, too, is very true. everything i have experienced with him has been incredible so far. i can only imagine the next step and what that would be like. but i'm not racing toward that. i would love it, i'm sure, but i am in no rush. things can move at a snail's pace if that means that we could have a future together.
i'm so tired. i don't know why, i only woke up like 11.5 hours ago. i need sleep soon. i have to go back to dreaded work tomorrow! lindsay is calling me tomorrow at 7 to make sure i wake up. i'm pretty sure that i'm going to go to bed in a few minutes. if i have to lay there all night, so be it. i just want my bed. i just want sleep. that's all. because if i'm sleeping, i don't have to obsess over this boy. i don't mind obsessing over him. but i don't want to get consumed. also, i want to wake up in the morning.
ok, goodnight!!!! happy 2008!!!!!
kasha is snoring. it's cute!
so earlier, when we were texting, i said that 2008 is going to be rad. he said "yeah, it looks like 2008 has a lot of potential..." i am choosing to believe that those ellipses means that there is potential for US. because i am having a new positive outlook in 2008. i feel like ellipses always have a secret, cryptic meaning behind them. when we talked a little while ago (ok, texted), he ended it with "talk to you later..." more ellipses!
i'm smoking entirely too many cigarettes today.
i'm having a lot of trouble thinking about anything other than the man of my dreams. wondering if he is ever thinking of me. thinking of the potential of an us. i'm not rushing this. i want things to happen as they happen. i will not pressure this boy. that would be antithetical to my cause. which is, of course, to be with him. i feel potential. and i think that's really all that matters at this point. the potential.
i want to see him. i don't miss him, i just want him to be here with me. i could have to get through three more days before i see him, or i could have to go through ten more. and if it's the ten, i'll probably have my period, which would ruin everything. so i'm really hoping he'll come out this weekend. we could go see the movie he wants to see, there will be blood or something. we could sing karaoke competitively. we could make out. a lot.
i read a lot about scorpios. i found this quite amusing because he is THE scorpion. it even talks about the intense eyes of the scorpion, which is something i go on and on about. his eyes. they see through you. the most intense gaze i have ever met. captivating. apparently they are the most passionate and sensual sign as well. this, too, is very true. everything i have experienced with him has been incredible so far. i can only imagine the next step and what that would be like. but i'm not racing toward that. i would love it, i'm sure, but i am in no rush. things can move at a snail's pace if that means that we could have a future together.
i'm so tired. i don't know why, i only woke up like 11.5 hours ago. i need sleep soon. i have to go back to dreaded work tomorrow! lindsay is calling me tomorrow at 7 to make sure i wake up. i'm pretty sure that i'm going to go to bed in a few minutes. if i have to lay there all night, so be it. i just want my bed. i just want sleep. that's all. because if i'm sleeping, i don't have to obsess over this boy. i don't mind obsessing over him. but i don't want to get consumed. also, i want to wake up in the morning.
ok, goodnight!!!! happy 2008!!!!!
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