Thursday, January 10, 2008
well, he didn't ask me to hang out this weekend. not that i was expecting that he would, but he didn't. don't know what that means. probably that he doesn't miss me, and he isn't dying to see me. that's ok. i should not let this mean too much to me. we did talk on the phone for an hour and 18 minutes last night though, so i guess that's a plus. he could have gotten off the phone much earlier. who knows.
so i don't know. i mean, i'm really confused. the thing is, when we are together, everything is awesomely amazing. perfect. i would actually go so far as to say perfect! he's so cute and sweet. even loving. but it's the time in between that really gets me to this weird place where i have no idea what's going on. he doesn't text or call me when we aren't making plans to get together. i know that he's in a place where he isn't ready for emotional commitments, but at the same time, i feel like... come on. are you interested in me when i'm not actually there? or does my appeal only come from seeing me in person?
i try to weigh what's going on. he made me a pie. he wore the super good smelling yet very expensive cologne. asked if i'd miss him if he slept on the couch. randomly kisses me. held my leg when we sat and read the paper. cuddled me all night when we were sleeping. held my hand when we were watching the movie last weekend. i don't know. these are all nice signs that show he likes me. but why am i out of sight, out of mind?
what has to happen, is i have to have the discussion with him. i have to be honest. i have to tell him that i could fall for him, and i need to know if this has potential or if i'm some learning experiment. i can't be the latter. and if that's all it is, then we should just be friends. because right now, i'm going to become entirely too invested in what is going on. and i can't let myself have feelings that will, once again, be unrequited. so next weekend i'll see if he wants to get together, and i'll ask him. i don't wanna ruin the weekend, so i'll ask him toward the end of it. but it has to happen. i am dreading this.
feelings are stupid. i think they should be set on fire.
so i don't know. i mean, i'm really confused. the thing is, when we are together, everything is awesomely amazing. perfect. i would actually go so far as to say perfect! he's so cute and sweet. even loving. but it's the time in between that really gets me to this weird place where i have no idea what's going on. he doesn't text or call me when we aren't making plans to get together. i know that he's in a place where he isn't ready for emotional commitments, but at the same time, i feel like... come on. are you interested in me when i'm not actually there? or does my appeal only come from seeing me in person?
i try to weigh what's going on. he made me a pie. he wore the super good smelling yet very expensive cologne. asked if i'd miss him if he slept on the couch. randomly kisses me. held my leg when we sat and read the paper. cuddled me all night when we were sleeping. held my hand when we were watching the movie last weekend. i don't know. these are all nice signs that show he likes me. but why am i out of sight, out of mind?
what has to happen, is i have to have the discussion with him. i have to be honest. i have to tell him that i could fall for him, and i need to know if this has potential or if i'm some learning experiment. i can't be the latter. and if that's all it is, then we should just be friends. because right now, i'm going to become entirely too invested in what is going on. and i can't let myself have feelings that will, once again, be unrequited. so next weekend i'll see if he wants to get together, and i'll ask him. i don't wanna ruin the weekend, so i'll ask him toward the end of it. but it has to happen. i am dreading this.
feelings are stupid. i think they should be set on fire.
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