Monday, March 03, 2008
i realize i'm not writing but who cares anyway?
heard from steve today regarding the package i sent last week. 7:16pm: "hi. i just wanted to let you know that i got the package the other day but i just can't reply right now. i hope yr doing ok and i'll talk to you soon." i don't expect a response, and i told him so. i said "hey. you don't have to reply unless you want to. it wasn't written for a response, rather for me to say stuff so i don't regret not doing so. hope you are well." so i don't know. i'll call him in a couple weeks to say hi. if he brings it up, we'll talk. but i really don't want to talk about what i wrote. and i really don't want to hear that he didn't feel the same. so basically i just wanna say hi, see what's up, how he's doing, and then move on.
i feel like, even if steve and i never end up together (which we won't, because experience teaches me that i don't get what i want), i now know exactly what i want in a relationship. steve and i were like a blueprint of what i want my future to look like. so i guess that is a plus and i can't be too sad.
i still adore him, but it fades by the day. i'm upset that he didn't get in touch sooner, but i guess at least he did. i don't care. i didn't mean anything to him, i was a re-learning experience. i don't deserve a good guy. and he's obviously not ready. whatever. i don't make sense because it's clear that my affection still runs deep, but what can i do? nothing. that's what..
ok sleep.
heard from steve today regarding the package i sent last week. 7:16pm: "hi. i just wanted to let you know that i got the package the other day but i just can't reply right now. i hope yr doing ok and i'll talk to you soon." i don't expect a response, and i told him so. i said "hey. you don't have to reply unless you want to. it wasn't written for a response, rather for me to say stuff so i don't regret not doing so. hope you are well." so i don't know. i'll call him in a couple weeks to say hi. if he brings it up, we'll talk. but i really don't want to talk about what i wrote. and i really don't want to hear that he didn't feel the same. so basically i just wanna say hi, see what's up, how he's doing, and then move on.
i feel like, even if steve and i never end up together (which we won't, because experience teaches me that i don't get what i want), i now know exactly what i want in a relationship. steve and i were like a blueprint of what i want my future to look like. so i guess that is a plus and i can't be too sad.
i still adore him, but it fades by the day. i'm upset that he didn't get in touch sooner, but i guess at least he did. i don't care. i didn't mean anything to him, i was a re-learning experience. i don't deserve a good guy. and he's obviously not ready. whatever. i don't make sense because it's clear that my affection still runs deep, but what can i do? nothing. that's what..
ok sleep.
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