Thursday, August 07, 2008

i wake up and think dreams are real
i sleep so i don't have to feel
the truth that you can't ever be
the one person that won't ever forget me
armor for sleep

ok so sort of lame lyrics there, and i think i may have already used them at some point in the five year history of this blog. but they fit my mood, so there they are.

this morning i woke up sharply at 7am. from a dream. a really, really great dream, where steve realized that we were worth a chance, and wanted to give it a shot. but no, waking up destroyed that dream. i'm so tired of watching movies that show some bad luck girl finally getting a good guy and finding love. why does it have to happen to me, and then be taken away? i don't know what's wrong with me. it's been six months, i should be over this. seriously. SIX MONTHS. exactly, yesterday. did i not hear the words "i'm not in love with you" come out of his mouth? i did. but that doesn't mean he couldn't, had he given us a chance. of course, i only connect with men that are disasters. why should it be any different now?

i am committed to dying alone.

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