Monday, October 20, 2008
i'm crazy for you, touch me once and you'll know it's true
i've never wanted anyone like this, it's all brand new
you'll feel it in my kiss..
i'm crazy for you
madonna
i've never wanted anyone like this, it's all brand new
you'll feel it in my kiss..
i'm crazy for you
madonna
madonna is recently divorced, i guess. her song is awesome though! and it WILL be my wedding song. WHEN I MARRY STEVE!
ok, so i'm insane, but really.. all i can say is that he is the most amazing man on the planet, and if yesterday didn't have a deeper meaning than that he was being friendly, then he's a world-class torturer. here's what happened: he got here at 11:15 in lounge gear carrying two huge bags full of stuff. he had both of my newspapers, lots of homemade potato leek soup (with a package of thyme for garnish! he brought GARNISH!), aaaand... a whole tray of baked ziti! for ME! so i wouldn't have to cook for a few days! so i started to make room in the fridge, and he was like "what are you doing?? i can take care of that. go get settled on the sofa." so i did, and he brought me a mucinex and a full glass of water to take it with. i got comfy on the couch with my puzzles and my cup of tea, and after a few minutes he joined me. i finished my tea and got up to put the mug in the sink, and he stopped me, took the mug and not only brought it to the sink, but WASHED IT as well. ok, so he comes back and i put on this mix cd i made last week that i'm sort of obsessed with. it started with starflyer 59 and he was psyched. it also has "how soon is now?" (the smiths), "when doves cry" (prince.. my fav lyrics are "animals strike curious poses" and "you got the butterflies all tied up.. don't make me chase you") and "never gonna give you up" (rick astley!). so when that came on, i put on the video and we laughed hysterically at rick's denim on denim ensemble and his godawful dancing skills.. or lack thereof. he definitely was leg cuddling with me, his feet were in my space and it felt like old times, us on sunday, doing our puzzles, being so perfect....... ok, so the cd ended, and he heated the soup (it was SO GOOD). we put on the giants game and continued our puzzles. he wouldn't let me even get up to at halftime he asked if i wanted to watch this david cross dvd he had brought with him. he said it was going to be hilarious. it, however, turned out to be a tour diary and somewhat lame. we laid together on the couch watching it.. it was so nice, i could smell him and i never wanted to move again. about halfway through the dvd he got tired of it bc it wasn't as funny as he'd thought and he turned it off. he decided he was ready for a nap and was laying on the couch with me but on opposite ends. i couldn't get comfortable, so we moved to my bed. he fell asleep immediately. after about an hour of me pretending to sleep, he rolled over and spooned me so nice. when we "woke up" (well, me at least, since i didn't nap at all), he rolled onto me all cute like he used to. i think i could have died right then and there, and i'd have been ok. seriously. so he got up and put the ziti in the oven, and then he came back to bed. we cuddled a lot more and we laughed a lot. he thinks i'm too skinny. he told me about how much he loves to eat the fat on the meat (ew) and he was so excited. we laughed about married..with children, we laughed about ALF, we just laughed and laughed. and then we were laying there, facing each other in each others arms, he had his face on top of my face.. and he never kissed me. maybe bc i was sick? maybe bc he didn't want to? i don't know. but finally we got up and ate.. he wouldn't let me help at all, and when i finished, he took my plate and loaded the dishwasher. we watched some of the jets game, and then it was 7 and he said he ought to be heading out.. so i walked him to his car, and he gave me a hug. i told him that i was really appreciative of everything he'd done for me, that no one had ever done anything like that for me before, no one had ever taken care of me before... and he said "well i'm not everyone else." so i said "that's right, yr awesome" and he was like "nah" and i said, "i'm going with yes" and he got sheepish and said "ok" in a really cute voice. we hugged again, and then he was gone. later, he texted me to let me know he got home ok and i said again how grateful i was for everything, and that he had really made me feel special. he wrote "no problem. my pleasure." so i don't know. why do all this for me? why be the most amazing man ever without wanting to be with me? does he want to try again? does he miss me? is he just being a good friend? but you don't do that for someone you know has feelings for you.. i wouldn't do that for mike, it would be leading him on.. i don't know. i'm so in love with him, and i'm so jealous of how great he is, and how i can't have that as a permanent part of my existence. i need him. i need to have that. today i texted him and i wrote "i'm feeling SO much better today! maybe i just needed some tlc ha. i had some more of the soup before, too, yr the best!" and he responded "yeah, a little tlc can go a long way. you deserve it. glad yr feeling better." i deserve it? i don't know. i want to cry. i want him. i want him so bad.
he left his cassarole dish here.
november 1. i'm going to attempt to see him then. make him dinner for his birthday. buy him a nice fatty ribeye (which he will have to cook! but he doesn't buy steak anymore to save money, so it's the thought....), make some amazing mashed potatoes...
i'll make you love me, jones. if it kills me.
ok, so i'm insane, but really.. all i can say is that he is the most amazing man on the planet, and if yesterday didn't have a deeper meaning than that he was being friendly, then he's a world-class torturer. here's what happened: he got here at 11:15 in lounge gear carrying two huge bags full of stuff. he had both of my newspapers, lots of homemade potato leek soup (with a package of thyme for garnish! he brought GARNISH!), aaaand... a whole tray of baked ziti! for ME! so i wouldn't have to cook for a few days! so i started to make room in the fridge, and he was like "what are you doing?? i can take care of that. go get settled on the sofa." so i did, and he brought me a mucinex and a full glass of water to take it with. i got comfy on the couch with my puzzles and my cup of tea, and after a few minutes he joined me. i finished my tea and got up to put the mug in the sink, and he stopped me, took the mug and not only brought it to the sink, but WASHED IT as well. ok, so he comes back and i put on this mix cd i made last week that i'm sort of obsessed with. it started with starflyer 59 and he was psyched. it also has "how soon is now?" (the smiths), "when doves cry" (prince.. my fav lyrics are "animals strike curious poses" and "you got the butterflies all tied up.. don't make me chase you") and "never gonna give you up" (rick astley!). so when that came on, i put on the video and we laughed hysterically at rick's denim on denim ensemble and his godawful dancing skills.. or lack thereof. he definitely was leg cuddling with me, his feet were in my space and it felt like old times, us on sunday, doing our puzzles, being so perfect....... ok, so the cd ended, and he heated the soup (it was SO GOOD). we put on the giants game and continued our puzzles. he wouldn't let me even get up to at halftime he asked if i wanted to watch this david cross dvd he had brought with him. he said it was going to be hilarious. it, however, turned out to be a tour diary and somewhat lame. we laid together on the couch watching it.. it was so nice, i could smell him and i never wanted to move again. about halfway through the dvd he got tired of it bc it wasn't as funny as he'd thought and he turned it off. he decided he was ready for a nap and was laying on the couch with me but on opposite ends. i couldn't get comfortable, so we moved to my bed. he fell asleep immediately. after about an hour of me pretending to sleep, he rolled over and spooned me so nice. when we "woke up" (well, me at least, since i didn't nap at all), he rolled onto me all cute like he used to. i think i could have died right then and there, and i'd have been ok. seriously. so he got up and put the ziti in the oven, and then he came back to bed. we cuddled a lot more and we laughed a lot. he thinks i'm too skinny. he told me about how much he loves to eat the fat on the meat (ew) and he was so excited. we laughed about married..with children, we laughed about ALF, we just laughed and laughed. and then we were laying there, facing each other in each others arms, he had his face on top of my face.. and he never kissed me. maybe bc i was sick? maybe bc he didn't want to? i don't know. but finally we got up and ate.. he wouldn't let me help at all, and when i finished, he took my plate and loaded the dishwasher. we watched some of the jets game, and then it was 7 and he said he ought to be heading out.. so i walked him to his car, and he gave me a hug. i told him that i was really appreciative of everything he'd done for me, that no one had ever done anything like that for me before, no one had ever taken care of me before... and he said "well i'm not everyone else." so i said "that's right, yr awesome" and he was like "nah" and i said, "i'm going with yes" and he got sheepish and said "ok" in a really cute voice. we hugged again, and then he was gone. later, he texted me to let me know he got home ok and i said again how grateful i was for everything, and that he had really made me feel special. he wrote "no problem. my pleasure." so i don't know. why do all this for me? why be the most amazing man ever without wanting to be with me? does he want to try again? does he miss me? is he just being a good friend? but you don't do that for someone you know has feelings for you.. i wouldn't do that for mike, it would be leading him on.. i don't know. i'm so in love with him, and i'm so jealous of how great he is, and how i can't have that as a permanent part of my existence. i need him. i need to have that. today i texted him and i wrote "i'm feeling SO much better today! maybe i just needed some tlc ha. i had some more of the soup before, too, yr the best!" and he responded "yeah, a little tlc can go a long way. you deserve it. glad yr feeling better." i deserve it? i don't know. i want to cry. i want him. i want him so bad.
he left his cassarole dish here.
november 1. i'm going to attempt to see him then. make him dinner for his birthday. buy him a nice fatty ribeye (which he will have to cook! but he doesn't buy steak anymore to save money, so it's the thought....), make some amazing mashed potatoes...
i'll make you love me, jones. if it kills me.
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