Saturday, November 01, 2008
i am so nervous right now, i'm bursting with butterflies. i feel like my stomach is liquid. this is usual for days i will see steve. this is how i know that i have real feelings for him. it's so intense, and i'm so excited. i'll be cooking some mashed potatoes and asparagus (yuck!) with a ribeye steak for him and veggie chik'n nuggets for me. i got a recipe for a marinade online and another for sauteed asparagus.
my mom is on her way over and i think she'll want to get lunch. i don't know if this is at all feasible for me. i don't think i can even imagine eating food, let alone actually eating it. i wanted to go to manhasset and pick up some mini black forest cakes, but i don't know if that will be happening.
tonight i'll be wearing the smallest skirt i own, and he'll be wearing some spandex pants. i'm stepping out of my comfort zone to help him step out if his. he wrote "well, i feel safe with you. especially with that stuff. even that is a new feeling for me though, and it's something think i'd like to explore, you know?" and i do know. i know also that there is probably a good chance that this is another exercise in helping someone grow so they can move on and i can remain alone and lonely. i'll do all the legwork so some other girl can step in and he can fall in love with her, and they can have a happily ever after...
but whatever, i mean.. maybe it will be me. maybe he'll see how much i love him, and it'll make him realize he can feel those sorts of things, and he'll feel them for me. i drove to nj on a work night tuesday just to cheer him up. the depth of my emotion is immeasurable. maybe tonight he'll see....
my mom is on her way over and i think she'll want to get lunch. i don't know if this is at all feasible for me. i don't think i can even imagine eating food, let alone actually eating it. i wanted to go to manhasset and pick up some mini black forest cakes, but i don't know if that will be happening.
tonight i'll be wearing the smallest skirt i own, and he'll be wearing some spandex pants. i'm stepping out of my comfort zone to help him step out if his. he wrote "well, i feel safe with you. especially with that stuff. even that is a new feeling for me though, and it's something think i'd like to explore, you know?" and i do know. i know also that there is probably a good chance that this is another exercise in helping someone grow so they can move on and i can remain alone and lonely. i'll do all the legwork so some other girl can step in and he can fall in love with her, and they can have a happily ever after...
but whatever, i mean.. maybe it will be me. maybe he'll see how much i love him, and it'll make him realize he can feel those sorts of things, and he'll feel them for me. i drove to nj on a work night tuesday just to cheer him up. the depth of my emotion is immeasurable. maybe tonight he'll see....
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