Wednesday, April 08, 2009
i'm sleepy. i'm sitting on the couch watching married..with children and waiting for steve to get here. we are going to massachusetts in the morning. woo. but it's late. he said he was going to come after the meeting. he just had to pack. but he chose to "relax" for like an hour after that, and now it's almost midnight. he left at like 11:15. so at this hour, he should be here in like 30 minutes. no traffic at all.
i've been the least motivated kid on earth lately. i have owed irene a letter since like january. i just watch tv. alllll the time! argh. oh well, though. i'll get to my need to dos eventually. maybe i'll write that letter this week... i AM off work. i was supposed to go to ireland this week. too bad i suck at saving money and lindsay decided to go to puerto rico with her man instead. i hate girls like that. it's a good thing she has credit with me.
i turned 29 this week. the last year of my 20s... NOT COOL. but i guess getting older isn't too bad. i'm moving closer to something. death. well, other stuff. like.. i don't know. maybe eventually i'll get married. have some babies. i'm not sure i'll marry steve though. as much as i adore him, i don't think he's capable of that kind of love. it's been 6 months and he isn't in love with me. if he is, he's keeping it a real secret. we still see each other only on weekends. one night a week. i still do all my family things alone. it's like being single, but spending saturday nights with someone. i don't know how we can move forward at this pace. he won't open up to me. he has this wall around him. every time i think about it, i think of tori amos' "china".. "you're right next to me, but i need an airplane" OR "sometimes i think you want me to touch you. but how can i, when you build the great wall around you? in yr eyes, i saw a future together.. but you just look away, in the distance." yeah.
that whole thing makes me nervous about this trip we're taking. we're about to spend three nights in a row together, traveling. i don't know how this will go. i don't think we've ever spent so much consecutive time together before. it'll be four nights if he stays saturday. i want him to. i want to have our sunday morning together. but i have a feeling he will want to go home on saturday. UGH.
i'm going to miss kasha like crazy.
my eyes are burning a little. i'm getting a cold. i want to go to bed. i don't know why i'm still up. i could just go to bed. it wasn't my decision for him to leave SO LATE.
ok. that is all. goodnight absent audience.
i've been the least motivated kid on earth lately. i have owed irene a letter since like january. i just watch tv. alllll the time! argh. oh well, though. i'll get to my need to dos eventually. maybe i'll write that letter this week... i AM off work. i was supposed to go to ireland this week. too bad i suck at saving money and lindsay decided to go to puerto rico with her man instead. i hate girls like that. it's a good thing she has credit with me.
i turned 29 this week. the last year of my 20s... NOT COOL. but i guess getting older isn't too bad. i'm moving closer to something. death. well, other stuff. like.. i don't know. maybe eventually i'll get married. have some babies. i'm not sure i'll marry steve though. as much as i adore him, i don't think he's capable of that kind of love. it's been 6 months and he isn't in love with me. if he is, he's keeping it a real secret. we still see each other only on weekends. one night a week. i still do all my family things alone. it's like being single, but spending saturday nights with someone. i don't know how we can move forward at this pace. he won't open up to me. he has this wall around him. every time i think about it, i think of tori amos' "china".. "you're right next to me, but i need an airplane" OR "sometimes i think you want me to touch you. but how can i, when you build the great wall around you? in yr eyes, i saw a future together.. but you just look away, in the distance." yeah.
that whole thing makes me nervous about this trip we're taking. we're about to spend three nights in a row together, traveling. i don't know how this will go. i don't think we've ever spent so much consecutive time together before. it'll be four nights if he stays saturday. i want him to. i want to have our sunday morning together. but i have a feeling he will want to go home on saturday. UGH.
i'm going to miss kasha like crazy.
my eyes are burning a little. i'm getting a cold. i want to go to bed. i don't know why i'm still up. i could just go to bed. it wasn't my decision for him to leave SO LATE.
ok. that is all. goodnight absent audience.
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